This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. What to do about it: Make time to emotionally connect with each other and rekindle your soul connection. If your wife has recently lost interest in sex, it might be tied to her feelings about her body these days. Since husbands are usually thought to be the problem regardless of whether the wife or the husband doesnt want sex, I should say that I do my fair share (50%+) of house chores, am emotionally supportive of her, and a nice guy, but that is irrelevant. I want to get divorced and he refuses to accept that our marriage just simply was never a Marriage. I have the same problem, my wife and I are 73 years old, 7years ago she told me she no longer had an interest in sex, so,it has been 7 dry years, she told me I was free to,find someone to have sexy with!! I tried internet sex and while interesting it is not enough. Share your feelings with your wife openly, honestly, and vulnerably without expecting it to lead to something physical. I chose the platter for one. Just because one grows older doesnt mean that sex is over. 1. I love her. !, so we better act tough, ya know! After menopause she lost interest in sex because of vaginal atrophy. You can be in a marriage without sex. You should make an effort to equally share the responsibilities because you care about her and your relationship, not because you hope it'll win you sex. Prostate cancer is the #1 cancer in older men and when the prostate is removed during surgery it makes a man totally impotent no erection, no ejaculation, no orgasm plus total incontinence which means the post cancer patient needs to wear Depends diapers for the rest of his life. It is very common for middle aged women to wind up being hypothyroid. Cheating just isnt in me. We might as well bring up the time tested alternative. To the men out there, moaning about their wives loosing interest, think about how you would feel after loosing your testicles. Like, whats wrong with me? Men with low sex drive try lifting free weights in a gym. for signs she is interested in someone else. Weve never had an argument about it, because Im always careful not to sound like Im accusing her. Without this love, there isn't much for the relationship to stand on. But the giving up on relationship and each other is what happens. I work part time at a day care and I find that when I havent gotten sleep the night before, my patience with the kids is really tested. Thats something that you honestly need to ask yourself. Ive tried vacations, dates, sex toys, lubricants, vitamins, blah blah blah..when a gal is not sexually attracted to you and is generally more than willing to never have sex again cuz (insert the reason I dont understand here) shes not going to change at 70. All that said, unless your wife has a known health condition that she's currently managingor she's had a very sudden and significant change in her sex drivedon't assume that her lack of interest in having sex with you means something is medically wrong with her. Prior to that, for seven years, we would occasionally engage in oral, which was unsatisfying since it was one sided and felt mechanical. At 73, my 69 year old wife fits the descriptions you have provided to a T. Just replace you, the wife, with me, the husband. etc. so I started to do it. Ive moved on!!! I read this article, and it sounds easy to find therapy/solutions. I dont masturbate much because I would prefer to be with her. Sadly so, leave! It will make you horny as hell, however. If you're dealing with other problems in the relationshipan ongoing argument, an affair, disagreements about decisions related to the kids or work or money, literally anythingthen those tensions may seep into your sex life. Fun-loving, Honest and Straightforward. Well, our partners dont seem to care they are hurting us. I am 60, and my husband is 65. Finally someone is pointing out this is not a divided hate forum. A woman who feels that shes living with a man whocant regain her trust after cheating will most certainly have problems connecting with him on an emotional as well as physical level. Senior Planet Community is our social media platform designed specifically for older adult users. I appreciate that No outside agency or individual can fix anything yet they get their fix of adulation with tired Info. I have spoken to my wife several times. I just gave up. She may be experiencing depression or a lack of self-confidence, or maybe she feels like shes failing at this parenting thing. A study published by the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that women had more difficulty staying focused during intimacy and lower arousal levels when under stress. If your wife seems distant, take a step back to analyze where you may have gone wrong or why you feel like she cannot trust you again. Just has zero desire. Jos!! We celebrate the happy, imperfect love without judgment or bias, and strive to help people love more mindfully by viewing their relationship patterns from the lens of mental health and psychology. I happen to like the situation I created and I will never change it. My wife and my sex life was pretty damn good before she developed breast cancer and had a double mastectomy, even though she went through early menopause (in her 40s). I understand women loss interest but still love there husbands and dont want a divorce and most of the time its the same for the guy, I just wish women would be open to their husbands having discreet affairs, not prostitutes just flings. If I push thru to be happy and have energy, he expects me to be like I was 20 years ago. Take care of yourself. The marriage is fine except for the sex. I would like to add that many women also feel a great deal of resentment which builds over time I had literally experienced everything you mentioned in your post and then I had a bilateral mastectomy and chemotherapy for breast cancer. I have come to that conclusion also. After everything a woman does in one day compare to what most lazy men would say. If it were just about sex, I wouldve left a long time ago. There is only one person I love adore and desire. Foreplay doesnt start in the bedroom, foreplay is EVERY day regardless if sex is on the table or not. Take the good with the bad. Doing that just causes me to be resentful of her, and the fact that Im now reduced to doing this nasty little juvenile thing for myself. Agree, I have accepted the fact Im now in a sexless marriage, ugh! If it wasnt for this site I would had forgotten that the word sex even existed! Many of these comments are a breath of fresh air. Does your wife deal with mental health struggles or clinical depression? If you have gone through months or years of being patient with your wife and still arent feeling physically connected, it may be time for, Are You Ready to Start Dating Again Ask Yourself These 5 Questions, Research shows that women who had a positive view of themselves, reported higher levels of intimate encounters, 30 Foreplay Ideas That Will Surely Spice up Your Sex Life, This can be difficult since, statistically, couples are, to talk about sexual matters the same way they would other conflicts, such as children or finances. She has owned her own retail furniture store for 10 years and has expressed her desire to sell and get a job until retirement. I have been married for 40 years this coming July. Huddle up with your wife and ask, If there were something you could change about our sex life, what would it be?. 30 years I kept saying to myself.itll get better Now I have ED. When women feel used and men dont ever reciprocate, of course they lose interest. It breaks my heart because we are so happy together in every other way, but I need the physical intimacy and to be desired and sex is something I enjoy and I feel like he is withholding it. I am beginning to think that we are supposed to get old. However, unless you know why your wife is avoiding sex or any forms of physical intimacy, you wont know what you need to work on. I desire tenderness and affection, not just an orgasm. All this can cause a person to go into anger and hibernate. If you are not communicating about this, nothing will change. The vast majority are trained to be misandrists and far too many are grotesquely unethical. A little flirting, some sex, and shed start pushing for a ring. I love her. I think it is very selfish. Its super annoying if he touches my breasts because I get aroused and then we just cant get it going and then so much unanswered frustration comes. Foreplay isnt just in the bedroom before sex. He wanted to break the monotony in the relationship, but she simply wouldnt open up. Because we always hear guys complaining! I am utterly fed up with being in the friend zone or occasionally doing it with what might as well be a sack of potatoes. I think it is up to me to possibly leave my marriage because my husband is not about to change, discuss any issues, or ultimately have sex. It is frustrating, but I would never give up our marriage over it. Because I am not attractive to her. I would like to ask her if well ever have a sex life again, but she has a hard time talking about it. Take what you can, now. Please, do us all a favor and retire from the one thing you SHOULD be retiring from-giving advice. If she isnt satisfied in bed, it could be that shes tired of initiating intimacy only to be left wanting. There are always two sides to a story, and I dont want to paint her as an uncaring wife. And lots of different health issues and life circumstances can affect your hormones, as can taking hormonal birth control (i.e., the pill). If you would like to express a comment about Senior Planet locations or programs, please contact supporters@seniorplanet.org. Weve been married 27 years, sex We have had little to no connection with them since. Were your one-stop destination for unraveling the mystery that is love. She is 33. 10 years of this and going on5 years since last try, dont sleep in same be, snoring medical issues up down. See the New York Times story, Does a More Equal Marriage Equal Less Sex?. If your wife thinks she may have vaginal atrophy, I hope shell see a knowledgeable doctor or pelvic floor therapist to get a diagnosis and treatment plan that can alleviate her discomfort. Who risks? A lack of time and attention will naturally cause distance to creep into the marriage, which will take its toll on your sex life too. Shes the mother of our kids! Once the women have these needs fulfilled the sexual desire for the man that gave them all the things they desired goes away. I feel I am too old to move on by myself, most everything in our relationship is good, but sex is very bad. .! I stumbled here because my wife shows or accepts zero affection , caring or appreciation. It is one of the classic signs of a cheating wife and if your gut tells you somethings up, it may be worth investigating it a bit further. Either her body and hormones are so off that she needs the support of . It may also be helpful for her to speak with her doctor to see if there are other treatment options that might help. Talk to your wife about the lack of intimacy, 11 Lovely Ways To Date Your Spouse Spice Up YourMarriage, 200 Newlywed Game Questions For That Instant Bonding, 45 Questions To Ask Your Husband For A Heart-To-Heart Conversation, Why Is Marriage Important? Sigh I dont even want to see anyone else. Hi Monica, You ladies need to get hip on new Sex Play & Sex Toys, My wife of 1yr,(she is 73) ( Im 77) We were having sex every nite & 3 times on weekendsand it all came to a STOP about a month ago. Get your answer. Unfortunately the one thing that was supposed to save civilization was the internet. The health setback added to a divorce and two children to support has made life difficult. Your wife has become conscious of her body, 8. This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features. An emotional affair or even a one-night stand that you think your wife doesnt know about? Shes taking care of the house and shes working as well. Sex should be mutually inclusive. This really sucks. Will not do anything about it.. Refuses everything and anything to do with sex. If she senses youre blaming her for something, shell go on the defensive. While I understand where you are coming from, what if (as in my case) it is a physical.problem that is the cause. Married 36 years, neither of us had sex with anyone including each other until our wedding night: It was tough, but my choice. My shower massagers has gotten me through years but it never will replace that hard feeling down inside me that I long for, yet believe now I will never feel again and Im only in my 50s. I am planning a divorce, as I wont live out the remaining 20-30 years of my life without love and affection. I have tried everything too, to no avail, things only get worse, not better. He decided hed have an affair. I pay 90% of the bills, cook most of the meals, and clean (wash my own cloths). Take stock of all the good things you still have in your relationship that you might not find again. Rob you are right on, God set this up with every male, as we get older the desire goes down but not away. But keeping an open dialogue about your mutual wants and desires can improve your sex life tremendously. She would use the excuse of my children may interrupt, although I would point out we have a lock on the door. Im just sad and trying to figure things out. Feeling this discrepancyor feeling like your partner is always asking for sex when you don't want itcan make the lower-libido person feel pressured into having sex. If you must you could think castration out of love. NOw he works well and Im proud of him for that. Weve been married almost 40 years and neither of us had any sex partners before we met. The lack of interested finally scuttled her interest to find help. Important note: The only way to find out exactly why your wife is not interested in sex is to ask her yourself. Simply, and probably naively, the answer to your question is, NO, it is *not* my right, nor in any way acceptable. This whole situation sucks for all of us. He is a kind man and I love him. What to do about it: Address the ongoing conflicts in your relationship. You can find a sitter and really focus on each other. Unfortunately a couple of years ago I was diagnosed with prostate cancer and under went surgery that shut me don sexually (I couldnt even masturbate any more) This has killed all hope we had to try and have a sexually normal marriage. Thats a depressing thought too. And that's perfectly fine! I know at times shes felt my touching was just for sex, and at times she was right. So no, this was not the place to blow your horn. 1. It's possible that your wife is no longer attracted to you or perhaps no longer interested in being married to youthough just note, a lowered libido alone is not necessarily indicative of a larger problem with the relationship. My only suggestion would be to get out of this marriage and fast. She has just lost interest. 69 years old and no sex together for over 20 years..I asked her if she ever gets horny anymore like when we were dating..she flatly stated no, and if thats a dealbreaker so be it. I always talk to her and ask what turns her on. Your wife may have become so involved in raising the kids that her relationship with you takes a backseat. Id never treat him as she does! When they stop they stop. Resentment Colors your entire relationship gray. But to then take into account the Catholic Churchs stance on that interjects another sticking point, if I may use that term. I have always been an affectionate person and have given affection but not received in return for at least a year. She even stopped expressing affection such as hand holding, goodbye kisses, etc. "Not everyone needs emotional connection for sex to be great, but in long-term relationships, the lack of connection can be a huge factor in a person's desire to have sex with their partner," psychologist Margaret Paul, Ph.D., writes at mbg. Still, I was ready to jump back into things in the bedroom. If you two feel more like roommates than romantic partners, sex may just feel awkward or unappealing. Its just torturing me for no reason. Related Reading: How To Survive A Sexless Marriage Without Cheating. Its not that hes a bad person hes not but at this point hes kind of like a zombie. If your wife wont have sex with you, try not to jump to accusations, as this usually only makes things worse. Sigh . This isn't a tit-for-tat sort of thing, though. I think that the advice to seek a trained sex therapist, and the encouragement to increase communication between this man and his wife is appropriate and excellent. So sorry to read this Pamela, Im in the same boat with my lovely wife, terribly depressing. Now it is back to looking at every other couple as maybe having something unattainable for me and my Wife. We stopped having sex ten years ago, she wont talk about it. Loved sexI mean with exuberance and joy. I was going to say you lucky lucky bastard., Maybe let her pick the sex partner and she may want to be a side participant in it, could always ask : ), Its been13 years no sex for me.lbeen married42 years..her phone and internet are more important than me. John, where do you live, and do you play golf regularly without your wife ? If the lack of interest becomes an ongoing pattern, consider any of the above potential reasons. All he needs is that wonderful little blue pill. No amount of therapy, joint or individual, will fix this issue. Especially if you once had a, One reason your wife never initiates affection may be stress related. But it nearly tore us apart. And the sex with my current partner is always strained because she doesnt show any real passion or desire to let go. My wife is an alcoholic so mood swings are often. I was not going to reward her or fall into another hug with nothing more than a few seconds of holding, and then a push off. My husband will not have sex with me anymore. I have never, nor will I ever cheat. Senior Planet subscribers also get The Weekly Orbit, our newsletter with features about personal finance, health and fitness, technology tips, an online book club and more! Thats abusive and hurtful too. I realize this rant may seem to be about my needs, but I think I deserve the right to a fulfilling life. A marriage I have no interest in ending, ever. Christi do us a favor and explain what you are talking about. Many marriages are suffering in this area, and even the strongest and most supportive husbands feel isolated from their wives. Women have all these excuses and fare enough many of them are legitimate but some of it is disconnecting. Nerves responsible for pleasure become less prominent and less sensitive. . You can usually put these triggering events into two main categories. Spice up your appearance. It will never balance out. If both parties dont want to change things (and only one does) then unfortunately the situation is probably doomed. Then I find out shes got four different boyfriends. We werent intimate back then, and a quirk of fate brought us together recently. Lets separate then.NO! Ive been married three times and my third wife is the number one compared to the first three. If your wife is pregnant or has had a baby in the last year, it could be a mix of pure exhaustion and wild hormones that are causing her libido to be off kilter. Its a bummer most times. I NEED an active partner. BIG mistake. That last sentence got my attention. "Sexuality will often emerge naturally from their authentic emotional intimacy.". Since abstinence for so long Im wondering what will happen if a woman takes an interest in a 70-year-old man.
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